User blog:Camwood777/A vent blog which will no doubt be considered me playing the victim card and disregarded
If you have nothing kind to say here, get out. I realize me saying this will do nothing and the only people who will comment here will be those who have nothing kind to say, but whatever. At least humor me for a few moments that it somehow worked.
I feel like I'm not even in control of my life anymore. The past month of summer vacation, nothing I've done has felt like it's been of my own will. It's all been because of others. For a time of freedom, I have even LESS freedom than I did with school. Great grandma died, so I gotta go to Michigan. No time to recover from the loss of a dead loved one, because your friends want to do something, so you gotta do it unless you want them to hate you. Gotta act decent or people will have your burned at the stake. Oh, someone just did something, and if you sit around, something bad will happen that you don't want to happen since it's not morally right. Better glue myself to the chair and drop anything I was doing in order to feebly try to make sure it doesn't happen. I've honestly begun to question if freedom's even a thing for me to realistically have.
Oh, but don't get me started on how I'm treated. Or rather, the one way I'm treated. And that's the villainous bad guy. No matter what I do.
On the Discord? I'm the bad guy who starts all the drama. On the wiki? I'm the bad guy who acts up on occasion. In real life? I'm the bad guy with no friends in real life. Between my peers? I'm the bad guy who's too busy to care about you. Every place I go, I'm the bad guy, and I can't do a thing about it.
No, seriously. No matter what I do, I am the bad guy. I cannot change this.
I could get help. But inevitably, I'll be the bad guy again. I could save someone's life, but I'd still be the bad guy. I could do anything bad. I'm still the bad guy. I could do anything good. I'm still the bad guy. I could reveal my plans to take over the world and destroy it. I'm still the bad guy. I could reveal my plans to save the world and create world peace. I'm still the bad guy.
So, why bother with anything, if all the results say the same? Why bother with getting "help" that changes nothing? Why bother putting in the effort to do "good" if I'm still going to be the bad guy irregardless?
Everyone always yells at me for being "so hard to help" and "pessimistic" and flat-out "refusing help", yet nobody considers the reason why. If all that'll happen is I'll still be the bad guy, and the help does nothing, why should I bother getting it? All it does is waste my time, delaying the inevitable where I'm still the bad guy, still in the wrong, and should still be mocked and/or yelled at.
Would you travel along a longer road if you still went to the same destination? Would you take a 50 mile trail if the 1 mile trail lead to the same place? No. You'd just be wasting time.
And if I know the help does nothing, and I know it wastes my time, and I know all my roads equate to "I'm the bad guy", why should I bother? What's the point in bothering?
I made a point in the last time I made a vent blog such as this, where if the wiki doesn't decide to recognize its own faults, and it doesn't decide to listen to my perspective, and, above all else, it treated me as just another person, drama involving me would literally never end. I can see clearly now, however, that nobody can be bothered, or even cares enough, to do otherwise, so they won't recognize their faults, they won't listen to me, and I'll still be treated as the villain. And so, this drama will continue.
So, I guess we'll be stuck here forever, or at least until some horrific revelation happens to either side.
And yet, some people wonder why I'm the pessimistic person I am.
~ CHU-TENG [Camwood777] TONG-NOU ~ 00:27, July 10, 2017 (UTC)