User blog:Camwood777/An Open Letter to the Wiki
DISCLAIMER: This blog contains some personal sentiments not appropriate for children, such as venting frustration regarding fighting for the ability to even retain part of what you worked for for years, dead grandparents, and a disturbed mind's day-nightmares about suicide and being mocked. In addition, I won't lie. I will be angry in this blog. Mostly at life and my treatment as of late. If this is enough to upset you, and drive you to angrily scroll down into the comments and complain about me as a person, leave. In addition, do not, I repeat, do not say anything insensitive or cruel in the comments. Granted, you should never do that period, but especially not now.
How do you think I will feel if I am constantly yelled at and told I am a terrible person? Constantly berating me and how I act? Even to the rate of ShroomstagramUser saying in his edit reason for his SE review of me that I'll "probably abuse power"? How do you think I'll react to that? Happy? Think that'll fix everything? Think I'll be taking the advice first and not feel like a complete scumbag who should just hang himself? News flash, everyone. It won't. It can't. And it never will. And all you'll get is that result of feeling like scum who should hang himself.
A lot of people have claimed that I have been "harassing." Let me get this out of the way. Marcia's discomfort is unintentional and we have spoken about this in the past; I do not intend to make her uncomfortable. And I have apologized for it whenever I do that. Jack has explicitly stated the past few days were stressful for other reasons than me, and so pinning all of it on me and claiming me and me alone is the reason he's on the verge of suicide is honestly just idiotic, and actually kind of an insult to Jack. Heck, I also apologized with Jack, too. We've both agreed the situation should just end. And Terry... Terry decided to troll and insult me in DMs. But more on that below.
And yet, stuff like this, that feels the need to try its hardest to make me feel like the scum of the wiki, and then has the gull to proclaim it is just "constructive criticism", without even knowing the full story, keeps being said, and thusly, continues the situation, and then, people wonder why the situation won't end, usually the people who even said such things in the first place.
Contrary to what you people convinced yourself, I'm not the only person in the wrong here. Not a single one of us is a "pretty innocent princess" who have done nothing wrong and should be praised, and none of us are the "evil bad people" who have done everything wrong and should be punished. We're all guilty people, and yet most of you are refusing to admit that that is the case. Just look at what Terry did; they claimed to "help" but really, when I messed up, they sat there berating me in a Discord DM for literally 45 minutes, and even trolled me, making sure I felt as miserable as possible. And as a result of my frustration, now they use that as an opportunity to make me miserable too. This directly contradicts what they said at the start when they said nobody should be cruel, rude to others, troll, or make others feel bad. I have the DMs to prove this is the case. Do you honestly see that as in the right just because I am being "helped?"
Do you think I will enjoy that? Or do you think that, maybe, just maybe, that's a horrible idea and that they're not in the right? I honestly believe that most of the reason people are willing to take that as me being awful is because of the fact that Terry said they were "helping" me at the start, thusly anything awful they did could be written off as just them trying to "help", and anything I did other than accepting it (even though it was not helping) would be viewed as "bad" and "cruel." Even though they didn't even listen to their own advice, for crying out loud; they said nobody should make others feel bad, and look at what they did. If they don't even listen to the advice they claimed to give, then how on Earth can you still consider that acceptable? Honestly, if they don't follow their own advice, I see zero reason to even trust them, since if they can't even listen to themselves, I see no way they can actually listen to the people they're supposedly helping.
Let me clue you in on some context. If you're sitting, stand up, so I can sit you down, and tell you what the past 2 weeks of my life have been.
Have you had your great grandma die, your computer fan break, you getting a painful illness, and have anxiety cripple you in the span of 2 weeks, and then you're thrust into a situation where you have to fight if you want to keep rights you had to work hard and earn to have, lest people tear them from you because they dislike your behavior, even thought they invoke it by agitating me when you're in a time of distress? And add to that pre-existing depression, social anxiety and self-loathing? Because that's what's going on with me.
I bet honest-to-god money, zero of you people even realized this side of the story. You probably just imagined me as a literal Adolf Hitler writing a Mein Campf in order to censor all criticisms towards me out of hypocrisy. It wouldn't be a surprise to me; I've grown apathetic, too.
So, knowing that, do you expect me to be happy when crap like this comes up? Do you expect me to even be happy when, in a time of mourning, people would rather spit on me and treat me like garbage? And when I get upset people are doing so, they use THAT as a reason to treat me even more like garbage? Do you think I will enjoy that? Do you honestly believe, that that is something pleasant, that that will fix problems, and that that will end the drama? If you said yes, then you need to learn social cues and/or empathy, because that's honestly a horrible thing to say.
People who do crap such as the things that have been going on for the past few days, without considering other sides of the coin, make me sick, honestly. If all you, or anyone else, is willing to do is see the bad in me, and not consider my perspective, a perspective of literally having lost a great grandmother I cared for so deeply and then having to fight my way to retain rights I worked over a year and a half to even obtain, all the while being expected to act perfectly, I see no reason for me to even listen to you or anything you've said. Because chances are, it's as hollow (or even as false) as it is unnecessarily cruel. Especially in cases like this where some don't even follow the advice they state.
How do you think I've felt? For being so concerned with how I make others feel, I have seen absolutely zero respect towards how I could feel. Which, by the way, is miserable. I get closer and closer to a mental breakdown state by the minute as a result of the horrid things that have gone on. Terry's words linger in my head. Not as advice, but as insults, constantly berating me and almost always following with insults to "just do it already."
That sound fun? No? Well, good for you. I have another idea.
Imagine being paralyzed in a day-nightmare, unable to have your brain or conscious think of anything else, as it goes through the notions of Terry insulting me constantly, to the point of even when I start showing pictures of me cutting off my limbs one by one, they don't care, and even LAUGH at me, until I finally faint of blood loss, die, and the last thing I see them say is pure mockery of how much of a pathetic twit I am!
Do you honestly think I am in the mood to put up with constant "criticism" and being yelled at and hated from every angle of my life? Do you?
Let it be known, I acknowledge my mistakes. I always have, and I always will. I have done awful things as of late, and I apologize. I will always be willing to apologize if I am allowed to do so in my own time, and I will even apologize afterwards. If I haven't already, I will if you just ask me kindly (and I mean kindly, not forcibly.)
But if nobody else is willing to acknowledge their own mistakes, if nobody is willing to realize this is not a one-sided "Cam is literal hitler" situation, if nobody is willing to realize people are complicated and there's more to the situation than just one person being upset, and realize that maybe, just maybe, all getting together to spit on someone is probably a bad idea if you don't know the full context...
If that's all you're willing to do, then this situation will never change.
EVER.
~ CHU-TENG [Camwood777] TONG-NOU ~